Sometimes people would ask me if I still think of my past ‘what if’s’ in life, I nod my head and they ask me what, and I answer, you. Yes, you. You’re my favorite ‘what if’. They would look at me and probably think that I’m crazy, but no, I’m not. And yes, I know that it was ages ago and I already moved past that.
It was 2013 when you met me, I knew who you were. You are well – known because of your older sister and your circle of friends and plus, you were smart. First day of sophomore year, our adviser assigned seats and you were my seatmate. At first, I was a little bit skeptical of you because we don’t know anything about each other than our names. A few weeks in, we got to know each other more and became friends. Never in my life would thought that I would be friends with someone so lively, spirited, and loud in a good way. We always help each other with school works and you’ll forced me to hung out with you a.k.a “Andy, can you please come with me to national bookstore” because you thought I was well – organized and someone you can count on.
Months passed and the people around us wonder why we always hung out and you always reason out ‘because were friends’. But before the school year ends, one of your friends come up to me and told me that you like me. I didn’t believe it, so I did the most stupidest thing, I asked you. And without hesitation, you said yes. I was puzzled and confused. I stayed distant to you because I didn’t know what to do, I mean, we were still so young back then, heck our hearts and minds. And probably the saddest thing to you is that I didn’t like you. Then until now, my only focus is my studies and not the cliché ‘high school experience’. Plus, I was moving to a different country at that time and I remembered the last time we talked was on Facebook. I told you that I’m moving and we should have had hung out one last time but we didn’t and you even joked about who will help you and where will you print your homework until you said the word ‘goodbye’. That was it.
A year had passed; I moved back and studied in our school again. When you saw me, you were surprised and confused at the same time but you just simply nod your head and smiled. Our mutual friend talked to me and said that you had a rough time coping up for a few months because you were not used to me not being there for you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was so scared. But now, I know that you’re happy doing what you love and just to let you know, I’m happy too, for you.
You are, indeed, my sweetest downfall and my favorite what if.
**The picture used above is from http://rphelper.tumblr.com/